Have You Ever?
by nakagoluvssoi
Summary: Soi's POV about Nakago. This is my first fic so pls. be considerate. Pls. review. I don't own Fushigi Yuugi and the song 'Have You Ever'. It is sung by Brandy.


**Have You Ever?**

(Nakago/Soi fic)

Disclaimer: I don't own Fushigi Yuugi and the song.

Author's Notes: Don't forget to review after reading. This is my first fic.

_Have you ever loved somebody so much  
It makes you cry  
Have you ever needed something so bad  
You can't sleep at night  
Have you ever tried to find the words  
But they don't come out right  
Have you ever, have you ever_

I still couldn't believe that for all I have gone through, I would love someone more than anything in this world…more than my destiny…more than myself. I love you so much…so much that I never think of myself. All I know is that I love you. I don't care if you don't love me back. As long as I need you, I am satisfied with my life.

I knew that you would never understand my feelings for you. For everytime I wanted to confess, I always find you leaving me. You will never listen to me. Sometimes, I think that you never really know me. Even though we shared many nights, you won't bother to know me.

_Have you ever been in love  
Been in love so bad  
You'd do anything to make them understand  
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away  
You'd give anything to make them feel the same  
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart  
But you don't know what to say   
And you don't know where to start_

I have almost done the things I thought that would change your heart. I have given my body to your enemy to drain his ki. I have killed many innocent people to please you. And I have come to the point that I almost give you up to Lady Yui. I know that you never loved her. I know that these things can get me to your heart. I wanted to believe those things. I wanted to hold those thoughts as if they are real. I wanted to hold on.

_Have you ever found the one  
You've dreamed of all your life  
You'd do just about anything to look into their eyes  
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to  
Only to find that one won't give their heart to you  
Have you ever closed your eyes and  
Dreamed that they were there  
And all you can do is wait for the day when they will care_

When did I begin to love you? It was when we met seven years ago. That very first day I laid my eyes on you…that I have found you. You are the reason why I am still here. I endured the pain of being a prostitute because I knew that someday a man named Nakago would free me. Until now, that childish dream doesn't come to reality even though you're here…because you never loved me. But then, I won't stop dreaming. I won't stop believing that you cared for me. I won't stop waiting. I won't stop until my body and soul can feel you.

_What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby  
What do I gotta say to get to your heart  
To make you understand how I need you next to me  
Gotta get you into my world  
'Coz baby I can't sleep_

But how long will I wait? I must have the courage to tell you one last time that I love you…to know if I still have the chance. Then you refuse me. You refuse my love. My tears are threatening to spill. No, I won't cry. It is all my fault. It is not the right time to talk about those things with you. Maybe after this war against Konan, I can ask you about that again.

But I know I can't have that chance. My mind is telling me that I won't have that chance. No, I still believe. I must believe for us. I must live in this illusion to keep myself breathing. Because I know that you are all I breathe for.

_Have you ever loved somebody so much  
It makes you cry  
Have you ever needed something so bad  
You can't sleep at night  
Have you ever tried to find the words  
But they don't come out right  
Have you ever, have you ever_

Just as I thought I would never see the day that I confess again my love for you. Thank you, Nakago. I'm very happy that I met and love you…for keeping me on believing. Then I see something on your face. You're sad…shocked. You're not acting the way you told me that you never loved me. But my body and soul cannot feel you. I cannot believe anymore.


End file.
